I had a momentary freak out last night when it felt like all my hope had been shattered…I quickly moved into control, manipulate, and protect mode. It was a fleeting moment where my husband responded defensively and the enemy rushed it to “convince” me that I had been deceived and that I had no hope in this situation.
After a complete melt down and night of despair I realized this morning that I had placed my hope in the wrong thing. I cannot place my hope in how my husband responds. I cannot place my hope in my husband, period. I have to place my hope on God, solely. I can have hope of God in my husband, and God working through my husband. The truth is my husband does not have his own natural ability to respond in humility and grace, only Jesus can do that for him.
I can expect Jesus from him but know that when he misses that bar it doesn’t change anything. I can be disappointed and I can express that in a gracious way that invites my husband into resolution rather than moving to power and control through a meltdown. The meltdown only serves me…it causes me to spiral faster and deeper into darkness where I can’t even cry out to God to help me see it differently. I feel justified. The enemy is given a little bit of ground in those moments and our unity is broken.
Lord I pray that I can be an instrument of grace and encouragement for my husband when his sin is exposed. Father I pray that I can respond with your heart and love for him and not out of my fear and need to control. Father, you have united us and I ask for your Spirit to bind us closer to you and each other in the midst of sin not just when it’s easy. I ask for your forgiveness in not trusting you in those moments and for allowing the enemy to have any ground in our marriage. James, I ask for your forgiveness for trying to control and not extending to you the same grace you lavish upon me time and time again.
22let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.