I thought I would share the first evidence of grace that I could actually acknowledge, total redemption, my husband James.
When I met my husband on the internet (of all places), most people would (and some did) say this is not the man for you, he’s the one you should be running from, based strictly on his past. I think God must have given me a glimpse of his future because I had never felt so much peace and comfort knowing this is the man I would spend the rest of my life with. As a single mom who had experienced so much abuse and abandonment, the world would say I should have been more cautious and taken more time. Yet I knew that God was calling me to something bigger than I had ever imagined, honestly I had no idea how big it would become.
There is so much to unpack with this union of two lives. There was so much abuse, infidelity, divorces, and drugs between our pasts. How could we ever trust each other? How could we ever learn to love each other? How could this ever work? The answer is simple yet so extraordinary…Jesus Christ.
I have to admit the first couple of years were probably some of the hardest in my life. I suddenly had someone who was willing to walk alongside me and help me understand the pain of my past. I had always felt it was best to forget what happened, push it aside and move on. What I didn’t realize was that I had allowed what happened to me to define and dictate my relational skills and behaviors. Rage is probably the best way to describe what I felt the first two years of our marriage.
By the third year, I really felt God moving and experienced a hundred-fold growth in my spiritual life and in my marriage. I felt God was calling me to leave my career and come home and care for my family. This is huge and I’ll save it for another time. That same year I took a real deep look at my abuse and for the first time I could see how I was really sinning against God and especially my husband. Since then I have walked alongside my husband and other couples to see restoration in their marriages. I have helped lead women to healing (Jesus) whose husbands struggle with sexual sin. God continually uses the pain of my past to speak into women’s lives.
My husband has loved me well even in the midst of my raging attacks. He has led me to completely seek Jesus in all my pain and in all my joy. His faith and his love for Christ are truly an inspiration and example. It is so much easier to follow a man who completely has his eyes on Jesus Christ and His glory.
My husband has been my Hosea, my redeeming love. God has used my husband to pursue me. To think that God would take a broken and hurting man to pursue a broken and hurting woman, so He could love on me is amazing!
2 Corinthians 3:18 And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.
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